don’t eat quiche. They don’t even know what it is. Real geologists like raw meat, beer, Bundaberg and ring-sting chili.
don’t need rock hammers. They break off samples with their bare hands.
don’t sit in offices. Being indoor makes them crazy. If they had wanted to sit in offices, they would have become geophysicists.
don’t need geophysics. Geophysicists measure things nobody can see or feel, make up a whole lot of numbers about them, then drill in all the wrong places.
don’t go to meetings, except to a point at a map, say "drill here" and leave.
don’t work 9 to 5. If any real geologists are around at 9 a.m., it’s because they are going to a meeting to tell the managers where to drill.
don’t like managers. Managers are a necessary evil, for dealing with bozos from Human Resources, bean counters from Accounting, and other mental defectives like company lawyers, financial officers an PR people.
don’t make exploration budgets. Nervous managers make exploration budgets. Only insecure mama’s boys try to stay within exploration budgets. Real geologists ignore exploration budgets.
don’t use compasses. That smacks of geophysics. Real geologists always know exactly where they are and the direction of the nearest place where beer is available.
don’t like maps. Maps are for novices, the forgetful, managers and pansies, who like to play with coloured pencils.
don’t write reports. Bureaucrats write reports, and look what they’re like.
don’t have joint venture partner. Partners are for wimpy bedwetters who are unable to think big.
don’t use computers. Computers are for geophysicists, other nerds and limpwristed quiche-eaters, who can’t think for themselves.
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